A random thought on “relationships”

Since every time we meet someone we form a ‘relationship’, significant or insignificant, the word obviously carries different meanings in different situations to different folks. To some, it is horrifying – and they insist on having as few “relationships” as possible (not a bad idea, I’m saying) to others, well… the more the merrier. Yet the quality and definition of a relationship also makes the approach more insightful, if you think of it. But I quickly got off my thought… Which is…

here’s the random thought as it relates to courage of the heart: What is love if not a risk? There are no guarantees, except to isolate and relive the loves that are, for whatever reason, no longer actively healthy, which in turn simply keeps us in our pain or misery or loneliness. The act of reaching out and opening up one’s thoughts and expressions (yes, love, the verb) is in itself a life-affirming and positive act, no matter the result. It opens new places, removes old attachments and creates possibilities. I don’t make new friends or explore old ones in new ways because I want to re-visit a past relationship. No one holds a hand and wants to think of another person when they do so. That is not good, but we all have done it. Once. But if that relationship didn’t last because of tragedy or didn’t work for whatever reason, why in the bleep do I pine for it? If we are worried about a past hurt, then leave it in the past, don’t bring it as a measuring stick for the future ones for in every measurement we are reminded of the “failure” and we instantly taint the new moment with the colorization (black? red? murky? blue?)   of our past. It is perfectly fine to put something in a positive place in our memory, as long as we realize that it belongs in memory and that no form of magic can make it present again.

Life’s a bitch, the day sucks…. then we have go to sleep to wake and…. do it all again? Are you kidding? That’s the point. I’m not supposed to live today as I did yesterday. It would be a wasted opportunity.

To see something wholly is not something we want to do when it comes to our selves, or certainly our intimate or friendly “relationships”. It is too serious, too realistic and too often, too painfully self-aware to look at our place in something.

And “wholly” is something we all struggle with I think (I certainly do). How do we live our lives wholly? That would include our family, friends, children (which go beyond family since they extend our DNA, our sense of achievement and our youthful demeanor into at least another generation), romance and passion, personal achievement and sense of worth, artistic and charitable offerings and of course, spirituality.

So I guess my point is, for my mantra “Love, The Verb” today, is to approach each friendship as fresh and unbridled, each day as fresh and unbridled. I will try my best to stop pulling the pain from yesterday into the dawn of a new morning. The more we can do this, the more we can move on and uncover the gems of action in the only time we can, the time of now. And this will help us alter the manner in which we expect others to live up to some fictional character in our past and the less we will beat our seleves up for letting that “reationship” end or, in some cases, begin at all. We did not, actually, control it’s overall dynamics, only the moments in which we participated individually. Two people, swirling together, universal forces surrounding them, who can calm the oceans for even a moment is a wonderous thing. But it often, most often, temporary. The light changes, the wind blows, the breath sharpens, the day ends. Beauty may remain, and we take that with us.

We may very well repeat the moment again, we may not. We are not in charge of all of that – because there are others in the universe – even just one other – who must also step their love forward. We can only create singularly dimensional things on our own, tied to memories that are dragged like sacks of stones into the present.

I’m reminded of the U2 song, “All that We Can’t Leave Behind”… And am attaching hope to this new day, maybe the strength to let go of one worry form yesterday, last week, last month…. last year and make room for something that is swirling past meinthis moment, unnnoticed by the murkiness of a confused tear.

Love, the verb.

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